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I. Attitude:

Try to be rested with a clear mind and a relaxed body.

Control your expectations. A therapist is not a magician. No Family Constellation is a solution, it is rather an act of lucidly seeing one's own situation, which consequently can lead to a solution principle.

Whether you make your own constellation or not, people always benefit from being a representative or sitting in the circle of people holding the constellation. Take as much time as you need to observe the therapist's style to make sure you are comfortable enough that he can facilitate his own constellation. For some people this may require a workshop or two to get to this point.

If you make your own constellation, be prepared to silently contain it within yourself. It is usually best if you do not discuss it with anyone afterwards, either during the workshop itself, or with family and friends in the first few days afterwards.

II. Representation

Being a representative does not imply playing any role as an actor or actress. Rather, it is putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

• As a representative relate or deliver the information, simply looking at the sensations, feelings and impulses that arise within you. It is a good idea to start with physical sensations.

• There is no right or wrong. Just relate your own experiences simply.

• Resist the urge to invent happy endings. It is the facilitator's job to work towards a resolution. The process is much more effective if you represent them upholding their integrity.

III. The demand itself:

Preparing for your own constellation:

Any questions or concerns that lead to a constellation should be about a serious problem or situation for you. A constellation founded on a trivial matter has low energy and is unlikely to help you.

Clearer demands lead to better results.

Instead of saying "I want to feel happier" it is more useful to say "I am overwhelmed by the situation with my partner at home, and I want to see what I can do."

Put in these terms, the lawsuit allows you to own the situation, taking responsibility for it. This usually leads to a more beneficial constellation.

IV. Information

To make a constellation, reflect on your family's history.

It helps to know the basic facts about your family. That is, who had special destinies such as dying young or having chronic and serious diseases, or immigration. It is also good to think about who belongs to your family system. People who belong to the family system, including those often forgotten:

• Children, including those who were stillborn and those who died young.

• Siblings, including those who were stillborn and those who died young.

The heart of the one who has understood that the present is in resonance with the past, both in good and bad, beats in tune with the world

- Bert Hellinger

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CLEARING FREQUENT DOUBTS ABOUT FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS

Here is a list of frequent doubts that clients have before or after having a Family Constellation. Brigitte Champetier de Ribes, renowned teacher, therapist and constellator, resident in Spain, clears the most important questions that arise very well, in order to guide both constellators and constellations.

How can the dead influence me?

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We are made from the chromosomes of our biological ancestors. If we admit the transmission of physical traits, why not those of the emotional life of our grandparents? In effect we are woven by everything done by our ancestors. What they left undone falls on us and our descendants in the hope that someone will do it. But it is not only transmission, what we do also has an impact on the dead. All of us, living and dead, are interconnected.

Why do you have to say phrases that you don't feel?

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The emotion is created by a thought. If we release the thought underlying an emotion, we do not need to go through the emotion, it disappears simply because the words or thought that caused it have been spoken.

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Phrases serve two purposes: to unveil the blocked, not assumed emotion that is creating an intricacy between an ancestor and the person, and to release a parasitic emotion, adopted from another relative.

Can it be constellated by someone else?

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Parents may in their own right constellate for their children. Let us remember that the son IS the symptom of his parents. Constellation of a son will thus be constellation of himself and the son.

As for constellation for someone other than a son, the principle is no. Who are we to know what someone else should constellate? Who are we to interfere in your destiny? However, experience says that in some very minority cases, Energy, the field uses us to alleviate or redirect some of the burden of another person. So how do we know if we can do it or not? Asking permission to constellate the destination of this person and scrupulously attending to the answer. Another thing is dangerous for everyone - the constellation, the one who asks for the constellation, the constellator - because forcing one's destiny has a very high cost.

Can children constellate?

No. My experience is that no. Children carry the destiny of their parents. Those who must constellate for the children are the parents. The proof is that the child who attends a constellation either falls asleep (he must not see it) or is agitated, anxious. The child does not have the capacity for autonomy, he can only abide by the invisible loyalties to which he is subjected. Everything the parents do to free themselves will free the child. On the other hand, we know that it has dire consequences for a child to judge their parents, reveal their secrets, learn about their disorders.

I have so many themes, I don't know which one to choose. Are you sure you want to change your life?

Rushing, worrying, or overwhelmed by having so many topics is simply a more or less conscious means to avoid facing the core, the deepest guideline, the common meaning of all these topics.

We could constellate our current family and our family of origin and everything would be ordered?

Links and intricacies are known for their effects, one cannot get ahead, it is ineffective.

These constellations can be made to order. But this does not suppress the web of links that we have, links that will begin to become effective at different times in life, according to anniversary dates, memories of places, destinations that we cross, etc.

How often can it be constellated?

At first, Hellinger said once in a lifetime. Then he said that it was necessary to wait a minimum of two months between each constellation, later he no longer put a deadline.

What I see is that there is no rule. Often you have to let time pass after the first constellation. Another observation is that deadlines are getting very short.

Can the constellation be counted?

The constellation can be told to a close person, sharing with her the film of events and emotions. What is negative is to analyze it, to rationalize it, during the first days after it is carried out.

The less we talk about a constellation the better, because it has already passed and what we are describing is no longer. And to talk about it is to push back the energy at the time the constellation developed.

Are constellations compatible with other therapies?

Yes, totally. One realizes that with the constellations, one does not need so much support from long psychotherapy, if this support is needed, but rather from short therapies. For example, energy therapies are very efficient right after a constellation; humanistic psychotherapies, trauma release or integration therapies are often necessary and are usually brief therapies.

How is the process after a constellation?

Each process is different. We can experience more strength, more peace or more joy from the beginning. You can feel strange for a few hours or a few days. The constellated symptom can disappear dramatically or gradually or even flare up before disappearing.

One is noticing, in himself and in those around him, subtle or inexplicable changes.

Everything that is lived in the constellation is re-lived in real life, sometimes in a matter of hours (often in dreams), sometimes in a matter of months, depending on the importance of the change.

Very profound changes are those that are made through a constellation, they take many months to break through. The great spiritual traditions speak of one to two years for the installation of radical change.

Can the same theme be constellated twice?

It is often said that the same theme should not be constellated twice. It is not that it is not due, it is that if it happens it means something. One may pose the problem too generic; remember that the issue is raised in the most concrete way possible. If a specific issue is repeated, it will be that it interferes with something in the person's current life that prevents them from tuning in with their family conscience and their own destiny, something like a trauma without integrating or a guilt without assuming. The appropriate thing then will be to work this interference with another type of therapy until the stagnation is resolved.

Do you have to be a believer to constellate?

Not at all. Rather, working with constellations will strip us of our archaic beliefs - beliefs elaborated when we were little to relieve us of fear, loneliness or guilt and beliefs out of fidelity to our system, beliefs that allow us to feel like members of a family, a social class, a history.

We realize, as we grow older, that we are abandoning restrictive, elitist, exclusive beliefs: "this is good, you have to do this, that is good, that is beautiful, that is valuable, ..." With these judgments we reject as "bad , ugly or despicable ”to all those who do not meet our demands.

And we are adopting "inclusive" beliefs: every human being deserves to be respected, every human being deserves compassion ...

Constellations, quantum therapy par excellence, brings us closer to another dimension, in the same way that quantum physics does: energy is thought in action. We are energy. We are thought in action, where does this thought come from? We are organized in systems (body system, family system, health system, economic system, etc ...). Is this thinking pre-systemic?

Through the physical representation of the people of a Hellinger family he was able to realize the meaning of the movement of these representatives: there is a level of movement, very slow, very deep, prior to emotions, which is the manifestation of invisible, unconscious forces. that direct the links between the living and the dead.

Constellations are the graphic representation of dynamics that exceed our rational understanding. Definitions such as believer, atheist, esoteric do not have much meaning in this context, as it is only about observing and discovering. And to observe and discover, to "recognize what is", there is no choice but to shed a moment of previous convictions.

And according to Hellinger, what is the most important thing? What is the meaning of life?

There is nothing more important than another, everything is equally valuable just for being there.

Only the one who is not in tune with life wonders about the meaning of it.

The meaning of life is to live. Live and help to live. Live, not survive, even in survival conditions.

Source: Brigitte Champetier de Ribes

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