ORDERS OF LOVE

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Bert Hellinger develops the Orders of Love, which in principle are the basic laws that govern human systems.

Together, these laws help keep the family system in balance. When we transgress one or several of these laws, it gives rise to conflicts and internal disagreements that can manifest as different mental and physical pathologies.

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membership

The 1st law and also the most important is that everyone who belongs to the system has the right to belong. No one can be excluded. This means that everyone who belongs to my family has a place in my heart.

When we exclude the system it loses its balance and this brings about disorder in it.

Examples of exclusion:

Children who died at birth and were forgotten to avoid pain, relatives with criminal or addicted behavior and who were forgotten.

It may also be that someone has died in tragic circumstances and has been forgotten because their memory causes too much pain.

The order or hierarchy within the system

The 2nd law is that systems are ordered so that the member who arrived earlier has priority over the member who arrived later.

This would be the case of the parents, they have priority over the children, and that is how it must be for everything to work. 

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The balance between giving and receiving

The 3rd law is the need for balance between give and take in relationships. This occurs between couples, siblings, uncles, grandparents. When someone gives us something, we feel within ourselves the need to compensate, to give back. So if someone gives us a gift, we feel the desire to give them something too, but just as it happens with the positive, it also happens with the negative. If someone does us wrong, we also feel the need to return it and in this way we create our exchange, the relationship is not dissolved because of it, the relationship dissolves when there is no longer an exchange.

In the only relationship where this does not happen is between parents and children. Parents give and children take. The children will never be able to give life back to their parents, but what they can do is do the best with it and pass it on.

So it is that when someone gives and gives without receiving, this produces an imbalance in the same way as someone who receives and receives, and there comes a time when they cannot return, at that moment an imbalance is produced.

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WHAT ARE THE CONSTELLATIONS FOR US

To improve your relationships (with parents, partner, children, colleagues, etc.), turn your pain into strength, acquire a healing image of your family, free yourself and your descendants from invisible burdens, restore love, harmony and the balance in your family system, transform your blockages and self-sabotage, fill your inner emptiness, connect with your ancestral strength, etc.
Making systemic moves to loosen the knots that are within the family system, including finding the balance between giving and receiving and taking your place within the system.

METHODOLOGY

Family Constellations deviate from problem analysis, in that it does not focus on cause-effect, but on the recreation of images to represent family situations.

When it comes to group constellations, the consulting person who will be the client briefly and essentially describes their problem to the therapist. The therapist, if necessary, asks questions to complete the story, all of this in private, and asks that the unknown public choose representatives for each person relevant to the topic consulted. The client, mentally placing his hands on your shoulders, will transmit the role that he will represent and physically locates them in a certain space. Representatives are asked not to think but rather to feel. After a few minutes of silence they begin to reveal sensations and feelings that resonate with the people they represent and their position within the family system.

Hellinger speaks of the Family Soul acting through them, bringing to light the hidden dynamics that governed that family, weakening it or the subject matter, then showing the next steps to take in the Constellation until it is ordered through positioning and healing phrases that produce relief and clarity in the consultant (who takes their place when everyone has their "good place"), the representatives and the group. In individual therapy it can be treated with this method, being equally healing. This work reaches the whole family, since the healing image of the problem and solution paths take effect after the Constellation.

APPLICATION AREAS

Family constellations can be useful for people:

• Who are in troubled relationships

• That they want a relationship

• Who want to free themselves from family entanglements and systemic implications.

• Who are facing important decisions

• Who want to overcome internal conflicts, but also external ones.

• Seeking professional success.

Contexts in which family constellations can help find solutions:

• In conflicts and blows of fate in the relationship and the family

• When parents, who are separating, want to find the right place for their children

• When people experience again and again being marginalized

• For people who “can't” afford to be happy and successful

• When historical events affect the family

• When there is harassment, frequent illness or loss of motivation among employees

• When disruptive interactions or events within a team have to be worked on before or after structural changes within a company